Hey Fam! Welcome to The Pharosmoon Journal: Pharos Reflections. I wanted to create a personal blog post that allows me to be raw, vulnerable, and share the softer side of myself in this sacred space that I've created. I felt called to share more of Bethalize in way that will help me move out of my comfort zone and flourish in new ways that used to scare the shit out me. There's so many changes and shifts that's been happening in my life and I wanted to share these changes with my Pharosmoon Family. So with that being said I hope you enjoy these journal entries and I hope that they not only inspire you to show those vulnerable parts of yourself but also let you know that you're not alone in whatever is that you may going through in life right now. These post are about my personal reflections, thoughts, feelings, and personal perspective of what goes on the mind of Bethalize. I'll be honest this is probably the most scariest thing I've done because I don't really share my inner thoughts like that not even with the people closest to me. But I feel like my Soul is done hiding that part of myself, reminding me that I am ready to move away from coloring inside of the lines and giving myself permission to make a mess and color outside the lines with no limits, boundaries, or guards in place.

I feel like I've shed so many layers of who I was in order to step into the role of who I am meant to be. Since starting Pharosmoon in 2020 I've have moved from a space of not knowing who I wanted to show up on this platform, being scared of what others may think of me as a new upcoming intuitive healer and tarot reader. I was afraid that I wouldn't find like minded people who would support my dreams and business I was afraid that people would think I was a fraud, I was afraid of failing, not being consistent with my work, I was afraid of my dreams of becoming a full time healer would not come true. So many thoughts and doubts swarm my mind as I try to discover who I was in this new role. This was all so new to me and of course nobody had the exact guidebook on how to start your business as an intuitive healer, of course there were so many other entrepreneurs who were doing it and I was shifting and sorting to align myself with those who were where I wanted to be, but I felt that I was sort of copying and pasting their style instead of just trying to figure out my own style and how it resonated with me the most. 

It wasn't until recently that I just said fuck it let me do it my way and see what happens. As Manifestor (My Human Design) I'm born with no guidelines, instructions, or blueprint on how to start something. My power is to initiate, start up, create, and experiment within my own rules. I don't wait for anyone to give me the green light on how and when to start things because I am the green light. I'm the alchemist who is the one that gets her hand's dirty and takes the path that was never walked. So of course it didn't make any sense as to why the other healers I was trying follow wasn't resonating with me, because I'm meant to create something that's been never made. I'm meant to make things that are different than everyone else because it's part of my nature to just be the direct channel to newness in every shape way and form. As I'm typing this it's all making sense now like of course, I was scared out of my mind because no one has the vision I have so it's all going to look scary, crazy, messy and brand new. But that's what it's suppose to be right? So here I am betting on myself and trying out new things, new ways of being, new ways of showing up, new ways of learning and evolving that doesn't keep me in the stuck in the spaces of my own limitations, fears, and worries.

Here I am doing things that scare the crap out of me but doing it anyway because this is what I am here to do. I'm pretty excited to be sharing this side of myself with you all because I not only get to pour my heart and soul into this space, but I get to share it with a community of people who make me feel seen and heard and are a part of my growth. So I'm happy that I took the call and decided to just be and step away from this guarded place, of thinking I have to be someone else on this platform, when all I need to do is just be me. I'm grateful to the past version of me, I'm here to support the present me, and I'm embodying the future me every single day. I always say we're multidimensional beings. There's not just one version of us there's so many versions of us that make us who we are. I'm learning to embrace, make space, and show gratitude to all parts of me that make me whole. I'm grateful that I can also cultivate a space to share the different sides of me as well, as a way to get to know me a little deeper. 

Speaking of versions there is a new version of me that I'm being called to step into. A role that I said I wouldn't mind being if God allowed it, a role that is both scary as hell but a blessing well. The role of being a Mother! I am happy to announce that Pharosmoon is going to have a special addition to the Pharosmoon Family. We're going to have a BABY!! I'm super excited to be sharing these news with the world. I am almost 12 weeks and Baby Lopez will be blessing us with their presence in March of 2023. It's so surreal and still shocking that I'm going to be someone's mother! It's crazy to me to think that a beautiful soul has chose me and my partner Freddie to be their parents in this lifetime. I'm super nervous, excited, anxious, and of course full of joy to be a mommy. I went to Old Navy yesterday and went to the baby section and of course I'm crying as I'm looking at the onezies and knowing that there's gonna be a cute little body fitting into these clothes very soon. 


Just knowing the mushy person I am especially as a Sagittarius and a Cancer Rising I'm going to be that mom that cries over everything haha. It's because I'm always finding deeper meaning to everything. I thank my North Node in Pisces and My Sagittarius Sun always having me tap in to seek deeper meaning in everything. I'm over the moon to be their lighthouse, their guidance, their teacher, their protector, and their mommy. This is a whole new role for me and I want to make sure that I'm doing everything I can to give them the space, the environment, and the tools they need to thrive in the crazy world. To show them that they are loved as exactly who they are and who they are meant to be. 

So fam these are the changes that are happening in my life, I'm allowing God, My Spirit and My guides to help me through this new time in my life. Learning to balance the practicality that comes with bringing a human into this world, while also helping them stay connected to the Spiritual side of things as well. This feels amazing to be able to share the more hidden, softer parts of myself and also sharing the newness that's growing inside of me. Thanks for being here with all versions of Bethalize and allowing me to serve you guys in this space. I appreciate you all so much! I'll talk to you all very soon! 

Much Love from, 

Bethalize and Baby Lopez